London-Marseille trains confirmed!

Recently, I learned that direct London-Marseille trains have finally been confirmed.  Yay!  I am pleased with this, given my unfortunate regular need to visit London on business.  As far as I am concerned, after having spent a few days in London and coming close to death on account of the lack of sophistication, the sooner the train can get me back to Marseille, the better, MDR.  Maybe in the future, Marseille will be the city where everything is happening (or at the least, maybe Paris will regain that title), but until that happens, I will need to keep going to London to ply my trade.

Bilal is also happy on account of the fact that he can visit his "homies" who he met during visits to the Elephant & Castle and Stratford areas of London much more easily.  Both of these areas have direct connections to St. Pancras International via the Thameslink and Southeastern High-Speed services respectively.  He e-mailed his homies in London as soon as he found out the news (his English isn't yet up to phone calls, though he is a regular visitor to http://www.urbandictionary.com for practice) and they were similarly delighted, as they have heard all about La Savine with its rappers from Bilal and can't wait to visit.  He has kept in regular touch with them, sending them occasional gifts, which resulted in them sending him gluten-free products from a local store, plus a cap with "Sorry I'm hip-hop and you're not" written on it, both of which he was delighted to receive.  I wasn't so pleased that they had sent him cake mixes for sickly sweet-looking cakes, but hey, he does not have any flab on account of the enormous amount of exercise he does, so I suppose I shouldn't worry too much about this.

I don't know if they will use the older or the newer rolling stock, but we shall see: - given that the whole route from London to the outskirts of Marseille (bypasses where applicable) uses the TVM (Transmission Voie-Machine) in-cab signalling system, there is no need to use the new rolling stock from a signalling point of view (from what I heard, the lack of space for ERTMS equipment was the main reason they were procured).  There is also no speed advantage, given that the existing rolling stock allows for 300km/h, the maximum speed already allowable on that route (the new rolling stock can do 320km/h).

I am hopeful that the new services will cause ignorant Britons to be cognizant of Marseille's value as a tourist destination.  Obviously, too many tourists is not a good situation: - we certainly don't want drunken British tourists who will just gulp down large quantities of pastis without appreciating the craftsmanship that has gone into the drink and barf up all over the streets.  However, there is a perception that Marseille is a run-down and dangerous city, i.e. that La Savine is a microcosm thereof.  I would welcome the idea of more adventurous and discerning tourists visiting the city to see how wonderfully sophisticated it is and how much it has been regenerated over the years.

Some of the less sophisticated tourists who like hip-hop culture could obviously head for the quarter (or "tchéquar", as Bilal would say, given his tendency to use verlan) of La Savine, where Bilal lives: - though he loves hip-hop fashion, being a sophisticated haute couture person is not one of his strengths.  He and other people in the area would be able to give such people tours to show them the other side of the city, perhaps introducing them to the aspiring rappers, as well as show them where the members of Psy 4 De La Rime and Puissance Nord and Soosol grew up.  Some people have contacted me to ask me why Bilal is my boyfriend, given these things I say about him.  I respond by saying that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and Bilal's strengths more than make up for his weaknesses, e.g  what I said in the last post about how he is so attractive that I will give him my full cooperation in whatever attempts he makes to create a large family.  That is before I go into his credentials as a believer.  But that is beside the point.  Even though I don't have any taste for hip-hop culture, I have no doubt that Bilal will be delighted by the influx of tourists who he will be able to introduce to the Marseille hip-hop scene.

The tourists who love great scenery will love Marseille as well.  I have never been to La Savine, though Bilal tells me there are great views of the area from there.  The city is surrounded by mountains and though the Basilica of Notre-Dame de la Garde has no spiritual beauty to speak of (it is part of the Church of Rome), there are great views from the hill it sits upon, both of the city and the Mediterranean Sea.  It doesn't take too long to walk from the Gare de Marseille-St. Charles (or "réga", as Bilal calls it) to the top of the hill: - naturally, a dainty Frenchwoman such as myself would not consider taking the metro (or the "trom", as Bilal calls it).

All in all, Marseille has something for everyone.  It has a huge hip-hop scene for the less discerning tourists and immense sophistication in things such as Pastis de Marseille, Bouillabaise and Frenchwomen saying "la moitié, s'il vous plaît" for the more discerning tourists.  If anyone reading this wants to know more details, or even if they want me to give them a tour of Marseille (I am very happy to do this), they should contact me at mariannegaboriault@gmail.com .

Stratford, an area of London that Bilal loved

I enjoy travelling with Bilal and, as can be deduced from my posts, theology is a shared interest of ours.  We were aware of a church conference taking place in London that we knew would be promoting sound theology, so we decided we would visit the conference.  Bilal and I both found the conference edifying, but there is so much to be said about it that it is probably best discussed on a blog about theology, rather than a blog about how wonderfully dainty we Frenchwomen are!  Naturally, I also decided I wanted to do some business: - given that the UK has absolutely no plans to introduce a 75% tax rate, there are far more opportunities for business than in France!  This is just about the only favourable comparison I can make with France!  MDR!One thing I often tend to do is leave Bilal to his own devices to explore while I am doing business trying to promote my fashion magazine and then travel over to where he is if he has found something that interests him.

Being a railway aficionado like my father, Bilal observes the route keenly during train journeys and he has often noticed that on the final approach to St. Pancras International, in between the two long tunnels (named London Tunnel 1 and London Tunnel 2), the Eurostar trains pass by, but never stop at, a station.  Bilal looked up this station and found out that it is called Stratford International.  During one of my business meetings, Bilal decided to Stratford International and watch the trains pass for a little while.  The British high-speed rail line (known as the Channel Tunnel Rail Link) is unusual in that the trains go very fast through city centres: - in Ashford, this is by means of a flyover and in Stratford (an area of London), this is by means of a box.

When he started to feel hungry, Bilal ventured into the adjacent Stratford Westfield shopping centre.  I had forgotten to make him something for lunch that day, given my desire to make sure he only eats high-quality food!  MDR!  Poor Bilal didn't find things very easy.  He has coeliac disease and although he is learning English, he is not particularly fluent at present.  Almost immediately upon entry to the shopping centre, there is a shop prominently selling artesan bread!  He has a long way to go when it comes to written English as well and so he struggled to understand the labels to see if food contains gluten or not: - this is very different to Spain where gluten-free foods tend to contain a label to this effect!  Eventually, after a lot of fruitless exploring, he overheard some people talking in French and decided to ask them if they could offer him some advice regarding seeking-gluten free food.  Someone then explained that British supermarkets sometimes have a "free from" section and suggested trying Marks and Spencer (middle class, but still low quality in comparison to the worst France can offer).

On the way to Marks and Spencer, he walked passed a shop called New Era that he made a mental note of.  After having bought a few items from the "free from" section of Marks and Spencer (he was feeling rather faint by this point), he walked back to the New Era store.  Surprisingly for a hip-hop person such as him, Bilal was not aware of the existence of the New Era headwear company.  Bilal was delighted to enter the door of the Stratford branch and see a whole shop filled with hip-hop baseball caps.  Bilal had great fun trying them on, but after a while, it was proving difficult to find one for his head size, so he called me on my mobile and asked for me to tell the shop assistant by phone that he wanted to know if there were some caps in his size.  The shop assistant said there were and opened some drawers containing the correct size.  Bilal had a whale of a time trying on the caps and bought several.  Unusually, he was so entranced by the variety of hip-hop baseball caps around that he didn't seem to mind the fact that  his head was uncovered in public between trying different caps on!

After buying several caps from the New Era store, Bilal started exploring the Stratford area and very quickly, he fell in love with it, as everywhere he looked, he saw people of African origin dressed up in hip-hop clothing more often than not wearing baseball caps of the style sold by New Era.  Bilal had no way of identifying who was a French speaker beforehand, so he waited for me to finish my business dealings elsewhere in the city and travel over to Stratford so that I could interpret for him.  He had a great time socialising, even though he had to conduct his conversations through me.

Again, just as with our visit to the Aylesbury estate a few months ago, my interpretation abilities were tested to the max, given the large number of hip-hop slang words used by both Bilal and the locals!  Some people were keen to learn French, but said that it didn't seem a very cool when they were taught it at school.  Bilal suggested that if anyone genuinely thought that, they should seek to learn new vocabulary using a website he is intimately familiar with called Dictionnaire De La Zone.  The locals in turn suggested that Bilal get himself acquainted with Urban Dictionary in order to familiarise himself with English-language hip-hop slang.

Apart from the New Era shop, Bilal also discovered a new chain store that interested him called Arabian Oud, which sells Arab-style perfume.  The scents reminded him of when he visited Saudi Arabia, where the population as a whole is very keen on fragrances.  Unfortunately, Bilal was performing the Hajj when he was in Saudi Arabia, in a way, this trip was part of the old man that needs to be mortified when one becomes a new creature in Christ, but he still thought it was a beautiful country and thought it was a shame that such a beautiful nation is under the yoke of Islam.  Bilal bought some spicy men's perfume and I thought it smelled absolutely divine (in the non-religious sense of the word) on him.  I respect many things Mireille Guiliano writes, but I don't agree with what she wrote about spicy fragrances not smelling good in hot weather!  Bilal was very pleased to learn that there is a branch in Paris.  In fact, I also remember one on Oxford Street that I saw on that occasion when I went to Selfridges to buy some Mariage Frères tea.

Bilal also spoke with a Muslim evangelist outside Stratford station  who happened to be from Algeria.  The Muslim evangelist made some very silly claims.  Firstly, he claimed that there is no place in the Bible where it says Jesus and God are the same person: - Bilal suggested that perhaps he was half asleep when he read John 10:30.  The Muslim evangelist then claimed that the Bible never says that Jesus is the Son of God.  Bilal then pointed to our Lord's baptism and the Transfiguration and suggested that if, as he claimed, he had genuinely read through the entire Bible and reached the conclusion that the Bible never says Jesus is the Son of God, he must have been reading it using glasses with wooden lenses.

As per custom in areas like these, Bilal and the locals parted, friends for life, with a fist bump.  Unfortunately, we hadn't left enough time for Bilal to spend more time with the locals: - we needed to get back to Marseille so that we could discharge our duties at our church in Marseille the following day, as well as doing some set up work for the various activities that take place on Sundays the day before.  I also thought it a shame I didn't have more time to explore the uncountably large number of fashion stores in Westfield Stratford.

However, on the Eurostar to Paris, Bilal announced that he had enjoyed his time in Stratford (and previously the Walworth area) that he was planning to buy properties in both these areas to add to his investment portfolio.  He is not sure if he plans to use them for short-term rentals, staying in them during holidays in London, or whether he will use them for longer-term rentals, but he will look into that in time.

Bilal and I are very different people: - he is what we French refer to as a "zoulou" (a lover of hip-hop culture) and I am obsessed with fashion and eating ever daintier portions!  MDR!  However, I really do love him and I am glad he was willing to persist in asking my father's permission to court me for several years until my father agreed.  No surprise though, given that I'm worth it!  Anyway, jokes aside, I hope he proposes soon, as he is quite rightly keeping distance between the two of us until we get married and I don't want to be in suspense much longer.

A trip to London with Bilal

Recently, I needed to travel to London on business and I hadn't seen so much of Bilal on account of various other things that needed to be done (in spite of my Frenchwoman efficiency) and so I asked him to travel with me to London.  Given his relative lack of travelling experience, I wanted to show him why there is such a need for my magazine to be promoted and be part of the fight against lack of sophistication.  As always, he was reluctant, on account of his predisposition to homesickness.  We took a TGV to Paris and a Eurostar to London on the Friday afternoon: - I have made this journey numerous times, though Bilal hasn't done the Paris-London leg before.  I am eagerly anticipating the introduction of Eurostar's direct London-Marseille services.Following a bit of research, I found out about a part of London that I thought Bilal would be inclined to visit.  I found out that the Borough of Southwark contains the Aylesbury estate: - one of the roughest areas in the whole of the United Kingdom, home of the rapper Patrick Chukwuemeka Okogwu, better known by his stage name Tinie Tempah, for the first twelve years of his life.  This was so that Bilal could be with the "homies", lol.  I also found out that the Borough of Southwark contains the church where Charles Spurgeon preached.

Earlier in the visit, we visited some marginally more sophisticated places.  In a previous post, I talked about Mariage Frères, the French brand of tea that knows how to do tea properly, unlike stupid English people, who tend to drink the disgusting "English Breakfast" variants with milk.  Yuck!  They have a counter in a British store named Selfridges on Oxford Street.  I was booked into a hotel that had the disgusting English stuff and I had forgotten to pack some Mariage Frères tea, so I was pleased to discover this.  While in Selfridges, I also discovered that Selfridges has a mini gluten free section in the food hall.  Bilal bought a few gluten free cakes: - as I mentioned, he is an extremely ravenous man on account of being tall, muscular and having coeliac disease!  The complete antithesis of me as the Impossibly Dainty French Woman!  I explained to Bilal that he should make sure to avoid developing a taste for sweet foods such as creamy cakes, given that they are characteristic of unsophisticated people.  Unfortunately, the taste was already there, as people in Mali are used to drinking extremely sweet tea!  Still, he is thankfully unlikely to consume such things regularly, given that coeliac-friendly bakeries are not exactly ubiquitous in Marseille!

I bought some Mariage Frères tea from Selfridges in the evening.  Given the late hour of our arrival, there weren't many options available for sophisticated French stuff in London (our decision to visit London was last-minute).  I found some French restaurants in London, though they were a pale imitation of the real thing.  Bilal and I ate in various French restaurants on the Friday evening and on the Saturday.  On account of our unwillingness to do anything that would generate employment on the Lord's Day (Sunday, remember the 4th commandment), we had no intention of visiting restaurants, meaning we therefore desired a packed lunch.  Good quality food stores are hard to come buy in the UK, so we decided to go to a bog-standard place in the Knightsbridge area known as Harrods.  The food wasn't particularly good quality, but it was the bare minimum that I was willing to condescend to, MDR.

I conducted my business meetings late on the Friday and during the Saturday: - a Frenchwoman is careful about work-life balance and does not avoidably work on a Sunday, much less a Bible-believing Frenchwoman!  The people involved in the business discussions wanted to resume discussions on a Sunday and I completely refused, saying that I would sooner refuse their business than work on a Sunday: - luckily, they agreed to have some late-night business discussions instead.  The discussions finished just early enough for me to catch up with Bilal that evening, who was at the Aylesbury Estate when I called him.  The estate is currently in the process of being demolished, though not all of the residents have left yet.  Bilal doesn't speak English and so had been struggling to communicate with the locals, though some of them were French speakers.  When I arrived, I agred to help him out by interpreting for him.  My interpretation capabilities were pushed to the max, as Bilal was talking in French hip-hop slang and the people in the Aylesbury estate also spoke hip-hop slang!  I probably looked rather ridiculous like Cléo Le Tan, a middle-class "bien élevée" ("well-brought-up") woman using hip-hop slang!

Bilal was asked by some hip-hop people if he would sing them a song.  They probably thought he would sing something silly, such as "Jungle is massiv", but instead, Bilal gave the most beautiful performance of "Je suis Tien, Seigneur" ("I am Thine, O Lord", by Frances Crosby): - http://www.mcreveil.org/Recueil/cantiques/lyrics/jsts278.htm .  One of the others present was from Congo and was therefore able to tell his friends what the lyrics meant.  Rather than an encore, he opted to sing "Croire, obéir" ("Trust and obey", by John Sammis): - http://www.mcreveil.org/Recueil/cantiques/lyrics/co396.htm.  Prior to his performance, the people present were boisterous, yet almost as soon as Bilal started to sing the first hymn, the silence was deafening.  Again, I know Bilal has made some friends for life and again, they parted with a fist bump!

The following day, we visited Charles Spurgeon's church.  In my church, we are very familiar with the work of Charles Spurgeon.  As with Bilal, The Assistant Pastor comes from Mali, yet he speaks a very educated form of French, rather than Bilal's hip-hop slang: - a fact I can hopefully use to persuade Bilal to learn to speak properly! I don't believe I would find a better boyfriend anywhere else and I adore Bilal in spite of this idiosynracy, but this is nevertheless something I want to work on.

We took the very earliest Eurostar service to Paris (05.40-09.26), as I was eager to be surrounded by sophistication again, with the Marseille train following shortly afterwards (I'm posting this via mobile broadband).  During the journey, Bilal told me that he is beginning to loosen up when it comes to travelling to unfamiliar destination, given that "homies" don't only exist in La Savine!  MDR!  Bilal has always been awkwardly shy, but I seem to be having some success in getting him to come out of his shell.  I am enjoying having a new travelling companion who I absolutely adore.  I hope our relationship progresses quickly.  Bilal refuses all physical contact with me (quite rightly, given that we are unmarried) and I have very rarely seen him without some sort of head covering (given that he is a tuareg): - he wore a hooded sweatsuit during the trip to London.  I can't bear to be apart from him for long and I can very easily see myself being his wife one day.

L'Occitane en Provence is now coming to St. Pancras International station

I was recently in St. Pancras International station: - regrettably, I had to attend to a business engagement in London.  Tee hee!  When I was there, I noticed that L'Occitane en Provence is opening a store in the station on the 20th of March (two days' time at the time of writing).  I thought I would educate my readers about this chainstore, which seeks to bring the finesse of Provençale culture to the rest of the world.  Given Eurostar's plans to offer direct services to Marseille next year, I am hoping that Provençal tourism authorities and Eurostar will use this opportunity to tie up with L'Occitane en Provence to promote the area as a tourist destination, perhaps in the St. Pancras International branch.

Me personally, I don't tend to buy from them unless I am buying a cheaper alternative for a business client as a present if the person in question is too unsophisticated to know the difference between this and the highest quality stuff.  Sometimes, this has been necessary, on account of not finding out in advance of my arrival in the UK that I plan to visit the people in question.  In terms of what I personally use, I will spend whatever money is necessary to get the finest hand-crafted products locally in Marseille: - I'm the bee's knees (meaning that nothing but the best will do for me) and I must always look my best.  However, this doesn't mean that L'Occitane en Provence's products are poor quality: - it just means they aren't right at the very top of the quality scale, MDR.

If, for whatever reason, one is not able to travel to Marseille to buy the finest quality local handmade products and one doesn't want to do mail order, then I just adore going to L'Occitane en Provence.  When I lived in London, I sometimes had to do this.  Sometimes, I was working very long hours (despite my instincts as a Frenchwoman that efficiency was more important) and didn't have the time to travel to Marseille.  Under such circumstances, my parents would often send beauty products to me by post, but sometimes things didn't arrive and sometimes I was away overnight (e.g. attending post-show fashion show parties) and therefore unable to pick up the packages as normal.

A Frenchwoman just adores verbena perfume from Provence!  As Mireille Guiliano said, "French women know one can go far with a great haircut, a bottle of champagne and a divine perfume".  Verbena perfume is exactly that: - divine (in the non-religious sense of the word).  The aforementioned woman also correctly said that we would never forget to dress up, even for taking out the rubbish: - added to my list of things to never forget would be my verbena perfume.  Mireille also advises caution about which perfumes to use in which circumstances: - of course, all this is second-nature to a sophisticated Frenchwoman such as myself.

I would also never be without Savon de Marseille, one of the things that make Marseille so sophisticated and without equal.  As L'Occitane en Provence explains, there are several criteria that soap must fulfil in order to receive the classification "Savon de Marseille", most notably 72% of the content being olive oil.  L'Occitane en Provence sells something vaguely related under its "Bonne Mère" label, though they have craftily worded some of the variants as "Bonne Mère Marseille Soap", presumably to get around the fact that it doesn't fulfil the criteria for Savon de Marseille.  I have no doubt that this is an attempt to dress an industrial product up as a small-scale hand-made product.  This is exactly what is done with Bonne Maman products: - they use packaging and a name to create this image, but the image they create is decidedly phoney.  If one wants to find the real thing, one should visit various provençale market towns.

I have a whole list of toiletries that I would not like to be without.  This is one of my reasons for my continued enthusiasm for travelling by train: - I like to have all my luggage with me and there are extreme restrictions on the quantities of liquids that can be taken aboard a plane!  Carrying around her lipsticks, perfumes, soap, shampoo, conditioner etc around with her is one of the ways in which dainty Frenchwomen such as myself get passive exercise that helps keep us dainty: - we don't drive around everywhere and keep them in the "trunk" (an American corruption of "boot").

In summary, L'Occitane en Provence's St. Pancras International branch will not sell things that are good enough quality and stylish enough for me, but I hope it will help bring Marseille and the provençale culture to the uneducated masses and inform them about Marseille (and indeed the whole of Provence) as a tourist destination.  Tee hee!

Direct London-Marseille trains!

Finally, an important piece of news that I had been waiting a long time for: - I have heard some vaguely likely news that Eurostar is planning to do direct services from London to Marseille (also with a stop in Lyon), according to http://www.travelweekly.co.uk/Articles/2014/01/23/46730/record-results-for-eurotunnel.html .  One can step on a train at St. Pancras International, the terminus of Eurostar services in the UK where the height of sophistication is Fortnum & Mason (MDR), and see the Mediterranean Sea on the final approach to Marseille a few hours later!

Regrettably, I sometimes have to go to London on business even today, given all the creative trendy types there who tend to be interested in designing and wearing fashion, one area in particular being Old Street, which is situated just two stops away from Kings Cross St. Pancras station on the London transport system.

However, I will now be able to conduct my business in London and quickly get back to Marseille by train before I succumb to my thirst for sophistication.  I am not entirely sure which rolling stock model Eurostar will use for such services.  It is possible that they will use the original rolling stock, because as I understand things, the reason Eurostar made the decision to purchase new rolling stock is the fact that they wanted to install ERTMS equipment to allow them to access new routes, but found there was simply no space to do so.  Unfortunately, British railway engineers were daft enough to build their lines in a much smaller loading gauge than we trendy continentals, so they had to build the Eurostars to a smaller loading gauge.

However, when the British finally opened the second phase of the CTRL (Channel Tunnel Rail Link) in November 2007 (the first phase was opened in 2003), it resulted in Eurostar no longer needing a third-rail pickup system (only the British seem to be capable of being bonkers enough to use this on mainline trains) or a British loading gauge for its trains.  When the second phase of the CTRL was opened, Eurostar removed the third-rail pickup shoes (which had been causing problems in terms of damage to trackside equipment in France on account of drivers forgetting to retract them), though changing the loading gauge of a train is obviously not so easy.  Anyway, I digress, when Eurostar placed its tender for its new trains, it found it no longer needed to specify 750V compatibility (the CTRL uses 2*25kV), British loading gauge compatibility or third-rail pickup shoes.  Unfortunately, they are procuring the new E320 trains from Siemens, rather than Alstom (which obviously means they will be of lower quality).  Please note that the design of the trains has changed since the photo below.

However, none of the high-speed route between London and Marseille uses ERTMS (European Rail Traffic Management System, a signalling system intended to be promoted throughout Europe), so maybe they won't be using it on this route, given that they have already committed to using it on the route to Amsterdam (which uses ERTMS Level 2, which allows for in-cab signalling).  Even if they don't use them for Marseille routes, it won't be so bad though, as Eurostar has a contract with Pininfarina (an Italian design firm) for refurbishing them.  What I hope this will mean is that the trendy Europeans who have lives split between London, Paris and Brussels will include Marseille in their destinations and they will realise that it is even more sophisticated than Paris, with its residents sipping pastis on the Vieux Port.

I get tired of talking to people who think that Marseille is all about La Savine, the extremely rough area of the city where Bilal has lived since moving over from Mali.  Paris has its rough areas just like Marseille does and La Savine is not the only area of Marseille.  I look forward to seeing more trendy creative types in Marseille on account of the Eurostar services that are planned to serve the city as of next year.

A fat Frenchman

I was surprised to read an article recently about a morbidly obese Frenchman named Kevin Chenais (from Ferney Voltaire, near Geneva) and his difficulties in finding someone who was willing to transport him.  Firstly, let me say that although virtually every Frenchwoman is effortlessly dainty and perfect, there are exceptions to the rule.  There is also a bit of sexism in attitudes to people being overweight in France.  We rightly view it as being normal for a woman to have an impossibly perfect and dainty figure, but if a man is overweight, it is regarded as a sign that he is living the good life, Gérard Depardieu being a famous example.  Ok, Gérard Depardieu has renounced his French citizenship, though I am pleased someone has made a protest against high taxes on successful people such as myself.  As for me personally, I don't find it at all attractive for a man to be overweight, unless the weight is on account of him being extremely muscular and he has nicely ripped abs.  I cannot understand who on earth would find it attractive for a man to be overweight, but anyway.

The situation with Kevin Chenais is that he has been disgustingly obese since childhood (supposedly on account of health problems *cough*) and, aged 22, found himself with few travel options (apart from his mobility scooter).  The US train system transported him from Chicago to New York's Penn Station, following his treatment for his condition at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester (presumably he travelled by train from Rochester to Chicago, I'm not sure).  When in Nuu Yawk, British Airways refused to fly him and eventually, Virgin Atlantic agreed to fly him.  However, his travel difficulties didn't end there.  Eurostar refused to transport him, citing regulations requiring them to be able to evacuate everyone in the event of an emergency (Kevin Chenais and his mobility scooter fell afoul of this).

I also suspect that his enormous weight would have caused havoc regarding some of the other technical requirements.  Rolling stock boffins will be aware that Eurostar's current trains (shown above at Ashford International station) have an articulated design, meaning that rather than two bogies underneath each carriage, (most of) the intermediate carriages instead have a Jacob's bogie between them (therefore meaning there is an average of a little over one bogie per carriage).  Because the weight of the carriages are spread between fewer bogies, it is necessary to make the carriages shorter (I also wonder if the end-throw imposes some requirements, but I'm not sure how to find this out in a hurry).  Given that Eurostar's trains are under these weight constraints, I suspect that carrying this disgustingly obese man as a passenger would have put one of the axles over the axle load limit of 17 tonnes, tee hee!  Shown below is a Jacobs bogie on a Spanish RENFE 101 Series on the Euromed route (they were converted to S100 units for the Madrid-Seville line and the Euromed route is now covered by S130 trains).  These were a French creation and they look set to run on French soil again, as next month, RENFE plans to introduce them for the Toulouse-Barcelona, Lyon-Barcelona and, best of all, Marseille-Barcelona routes.  These were supposedly delayed on account of homologation issues, but I think the reasons are political: - RENFE doesn't want us out-competing them on the Barcelona-Madrid line (their most profitable one) with our economies of scale (the double-decker TGVs can hold over 1,000 passengers when two are coupled together).

I love the way Eurostar's trains are designed around dainty Frenchwomen!  The standard class seats are regarded by fat British and Americans as being too small, though even an impossibly dainty Frenchwoman such as myself enjoys the luxury of lots of space in first class, even if the décor is very dated (though it is currently being refurbished by Pininfarina from what I recall).

Above is an on-board Eurostar meal.  I wouldn't touch the main course personally, as the Lincolnshire sausage is too British for me.  Some people criticise the French for indoctrinating their people to believe French is best and only French is sufficient quality, but I am delighted that we have the wisdom to teach our people such things.  I recall travelling companions from Anglo-Saxon nations bleating about the dainty nature of the on-board meals, e.g. the single packaged Malteser-esque sweet ("the lighter way to enjoy chocolate", MDR): - they complained about the wasteful nature of packaging a single sweet like that, but a Frenchwoman knows that packaging sweets individually is a trick one can use to make less seem like more.  Added to that the fact that Maltesers are very light as they are mostly made up of air: - a large part of eating less is using culinary tricks to make your mind think you are eating less than you are.  As for me, I took on even fewer calories, as I wouldn't touch it, given that the chocolate used was less than 60% cocoa!  MDR!

Anyway, back to Kevin Chenais.  I think he looks absolutely disgusting and I think he is an embarrassment to our great nation of France, which is famous for its women with dainty figures (such as myself), but whose reputation could be under threat by some disgusting looking pig who eats so much that he requires a mobility scooter and oxygen.  Obesity in Anglo-Saxon nations is, dare I say it, in some way, understandable, given that Anglo-Saxon peoples, in their monstrous ignorance, do not know the things that Frenchwomen know.  However, being obese in France is absolutely inexcusable, given the wisdom that French women just happen to know.  Kevin Chenais, shame on you!

Effortless perfection in French high-speed technology

One thing I have been ranting about a lot recently (in spite of Zoë Williams' bitchy comment about how French women light up another fag and say "bof" in preference to ranting) is François Hollande's government's recent decision to almost indefinitely delay several LGVs (Lignes à Grandes Vitesses, or high-speed lines) and renew the rolling stock on the conventional network.  My main point of contention is that he has messed up the economy and therefore virtually cancelled them, using the new regional rolling stock (for the acquisition for which SNCF concluded the financial agreement on the 26th of September) as a smokescreen for his own incompetence.

Anyway, given this piece of train news, I thought I would take this opportunity to brag about how impossibly perfect Alstom (our main national trainbuilder) is when it comes to rolling stock, focusing on their past, present and future high-speed rolling stock.  As I have often said, there is nothing ladylike about being a gricer, but Alstom's high-speed rolling stock is part of what makes we French effortlessly perfect.

Alstom's first high-speed train in normal service in France was the TGV Sud-Est that commenced operations in 1981.

This was in the benighted days (unfortunately, virtually every other nation in the world is still benighted in this respect) when the full extent of France's high-speed track was the first phase of the LGV Est, which back then just covered part of the route between Paris and Lyon.  My mother moved to Marseille in 1980.  Just as is the case today, Marseille's fashion scene was not as extensive as that of Paris.  My mother always loved the sight of France's countryside, so she always preferred taking the train.  Before the first phase of the LGV opened, the journey was around 10 hours, I think I recall my mother saying.  As the years went by, journey times gradually eroded.

The first phase of the LGV Est (between Saint-Florentin and Sathonay) entered service in 1981.  The second phase between Combs-la-Ville and Saint-Florentin entered service in 1983.  In 1992, the first phase of the LGV Rhône-Alpes entered service (between Montanay and Saint-Quentin-Fallavier), with the second phase (between Saint-Quentin-Fallavier and Saint-Marcel-lès-Valence) entering service in 1994 (at the same time as Lyon-Saint-Exupéry TGV station entering service).  The final push to Marseille with the LGV Méditerranée (between Saint-Marcel-lès-Valence and the outskirts of Marseille) began in 1996 and this final section entered service in 2001.

The entry into service of the final section enabled journey times of 3h05m between the ritzy-glitzy fashion scene of Paris and the beautiful sunny weather, soap, olive oil, Herbes de Provence, Vieux Port, pine trees on the hill on which the basilica of Notre-Dame de la Garde is sitauted, pastis etc of Marseille.  Abba felt strongly enough about Parisian summers to write the song "Our last summer", whose lyrics are as follows: -

The summer air was soft and warm
The feeling right, the Paris night
Did its best to please us
And strolling down the Elysée
We had a drink in each café
And you
You talked of politics, philosophy and I
Smiled like Mona Lisa
We had our chance
It was a fine and true romance

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain

We made our way along the river
And we sat down in the grass
By the Eiffel tower
I was so happy we had met
It was the age of no regret
Oh yes
Those crazy years, that was the time
Of the flower-power
But underneath we had a fear of flying
Of getting old, a fear of slowly dying
We took the chance
Like we were dancing our last dance

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
In the tourist jam, round the Notre Dame
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand

Paris restaurants
Our last summer
Morning croissants
Living for the day, worries far away
Our last summer
We could laugh and play

And now you're working in a bank
The family man, the football fan
And your name is Harry
How dull it seems
Yet you're the hero of my dreams

I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain
I can still recall our last summer
I still see it all
In the tourist jam, round the notre dame
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand
Paris restaurants
Our last summer
Morning croissants
Living for the day, worries far away
*Fade*

Paris summers are wonderful, but Marseille summers are even better.  When I was living in Paris and a summer's day was lacklustre (which happens from time to time), I loved hopping on a train to Marseille, walking over to the hill on which the basilica of Notre-Dame de la Garde is situated, admiring the views from the top and walking a short way down the hill and breathing in the scent of pine in hot weather.  A Frenchwoman loves the simple pleasures in life, even if she does strive to keep her eye on the ball when it comes to the latest fashions, MDR.

Anyway, back to the trains.  After the TGV Sud-Est, there was the TGV Atlantique, which achieved the world speed record in 1990 and was built originally for the LGV Atlantique that currently runs as far as Tours and Le Mans via two different branches.

After that was the TGV Réseau, which I believe was the first of France's high-speed rolling stock models to be capable of 320km/h in service.  These entered service in 1992.

The TMST, or Eurostars, entered service along with the Channel Tunnel in 1994.  The British decided to dither about building the Channel Tunnel Rail Link, so these trains had to be built to the British loading gauge (which is almost as small as a Frenchwoman's dainty figure, tee hee) and it also had to be made compatible with the British third rail system (a totally stupid system for intercity trains and only really stupid people like the British would ever use it, MDR).  Fortunately, now the Channel Tunnel Rail Link is complete, Eurostar has placed an order with Siemens for UIC gauge trains without third rail compatibility, which makes things much simpler, but the downside is that Eurostar rejected Alstom's bid in favour of Siemens' bid, which the French government was rightly unhappy about, given that we French are the best at everything, including trainbuilding.

These sets were also ordered in shorter variants known as the "North of London" sets.  Unfortunately, the British did some market research, found there wasn't much demand for these services and, rather than doing the sensible thing of trying to grow the market, just gave up and SNCF eventually acquired these "North of London" sets for domestic use.  Shame they are built to the British loading gauge standards and French customers are therefore uncomfortable in them, but that is better than them going to waste because the stupid British couldn't be bothered to make more effort to promote high-speed rail travel.

Next was the TGV Duplex, the first double-deck high-speed rolling stock used by SNCF, built for economies of scale and capable of running in service at 320km/h.  The power-weight ratio is a huge improvement over the TGV Sud-Est (being effortlessly perfect also involves fast advances if you see what I mean).

Then there were the Thalys PBKA (which stands for Paris, Brussels, Köln or Cologne and Amsterdam).  The original PBA sets were constructed using TGV Réseau sets.  The PBKA variant has 15kV 16.7Hz capability, though because it is a fairly rubbish design (unusually for things in effortlessly fabulous France), it is limited to 200km/h running under this traction supply voltage and frequency.  It regrettably also cannot run on the Cologne-Frankfurt new line, with its 4% gradients.  We shall see if Thalys decides to buy some new rolling stock in light of the new route to Lille, Deutsche Bahn pulling out the arrangement and the disastrous Fyra contract with AnsaldoBreda (and the consequent need to run the journeys with other rolling stock): - any French woman could have told the stupid Belgians and Dutch to just buy from France, where everything is effortlessly fabulous!  My advice to Thalys is that it procures new rolling stock, buys it from Alstom and specifies in the tender from the beginning that it is to have full compatibility with 4% gradients, 15kV 16.7Hz electrification, 320km/h running under all the main four electrification systems etc.

Next is the TGV POS (Paris-Ostfrankreich-Süddeutschland, or Paris-Eastern France-Southern Germany).  The most notable point about this rolling stock model is that a modified version of this achieved the world speed record of 574.8km/h on the then-unopened LGV Est.

The other noteworthy model is the TGV 2N2, the successor to the similar Dasye sets, which was designed with international operation in mind.  I believe the first variant entered service in 2011 and I am under the impression that there are different variants according to routes.  The variant compatible with 3kV electrification will be used for journeys to Spain (at the time of writing, TGVs only went as far as Figueres-Vilafant station, where it was necessary to change for other trains to continue into Spain).

That is pretty much the bulk of high-speed rolling stock models by Alstom that operate in France.  Also noteworthy is the AGV (Automotrice à Grande Vitesse), an EMU (electric multiple unit) high-speed train used by the private operator NTV in Italy.  Alstom proposed this with the Eurostar tender a few years ago, but this was rejected in favour of the Siemens Velaro platform.  Alstom has also been involved in high-speed trainbuilding for countries such as South Korea and Spain.

There are various proposals that have existed at one time or another.  For instance, Wikipedia's AGV article has talked about a 400km/h locomotive setup.  Also, Alstom proposed a Speedelia with the Trenitalia tender a few years ago: - I think the fact that the Italians gave the contract to a consortium of AnsaldoBreda and Bombardier shows that Italians wouldn't know quality if it bit them on the backside.  Anyway, enough detail for one article.  This brief history of Alstom's high-speed rolling stock shows that it is not just dainty portions of top-quality food that we French are fabulous at, but also the manufacture of high-speed trains.  Vive la France!

Provence

As I have more or less said in earlier postings, I grew up in Marseille, the largest city in Provence.  As a whole, France (with its impossibly thin women) is impossibly perfect, but superlatives let me down when it comes to describing my home region of Provence: - it is not just impossibly thin women that make Provence just divine.

I can't stand being away from Provence, so I am very pleased that it is possible to cover the approximately 750km or so between Paris and Marseille in only 3h05m by the train.  Paris is the fashion capital of the world, but I think it would be absolutely divine if the capital relocated itself to Marseille!  I would rarely need to leave the city to conduct my business activities, though I do think the train journey is just fabulous!  The Eurostar services also make transportation a little easier when I regrettably find the need to go to London on business.

France's Mediterranean coast is pretty much the only area of France where olives can be grown.  Olive trees are a very important plant to a French woman for various reasons.

We just adore using olive oil in our cuisine: - Jeanne Calment of Arles, a town within the boundaries of Provence, set the record for the confirmed oldest person (though a Bolivian man is vying for her title).  She was 122 years old when she died and used olive oil with all her food, as well as using it as a moisturiser.

The moisturiser part brings me onto another thing I just adore about Marseille: - Savon de Marseille, which is made using olive oil.  When buying Savon de Marseille, one must be careful, as it is often mislabelled.  The green variety is made using olive oil (as mandated by Louis XIX in the Edict of Colbert), whereas the white variety is made using a mixture of copra oil and palm oil!  Yeek!  Palm oil is a disgusting ingredient that is used by the food industry as a substitute for real fats that I will not touch!  Savon de Marseille should also be made from sea water from the Mediterranean Sea: - the water of any other body of water simply will not do!

When I am in the UK on business and I struggle to cope with the lack of sophistication, I tend to head for branches of a chainstore called L'Occitane en Provence, which sells various beauty products of Provençal provenance and has its headquarters in the town of Manosque, Provence (Olivier Baussan wanted to promulgate the Provençale lifestyle).  When I am at home in Marseille, I tend to buy such things from artesanal producers, but L'Occitane en Provence is the next best thing if this option is not practical.

Let us not forget the dietary things one can do with olive oil: - after all, if you are filling your body with filth, some absolutely divine olive oil used as moisturiser is of no avail.  A French woman just adores good wine and there are many useful things that come from the process: - I cannot stand unnatural and artificial dressings that one buys in a supermarket that are laden with E-numbers.  A French woman knows that it is very easy to make proper dressings using olive oil and wine vinegar (1 part vinegar to 3-4 parts olive oil or whatever ratio you prefer).  Olive oil made in Provence is great as a salad dressing all by itself: - drizzled on freshly-picked and sliced tomatoes from Provence, it tastes divine!

Note that both ingredients need to come from Provence for the sensation of pure pleasure!  They taste a world better than poisonous tomatoes covered in pesticides imported from the Canary Islands in the depths of winter!  As the saying goes, you are what you eat: - a French woman's dislike of unnatural food helps explain her unrivalled perfection.  I hope that Paris' fashion industry will move to Marseille, as I couldn't stand living anywhere but Provence.