Effortless perfection means exercise without trying

One thing that helps make we Frenchwomen impossibly and effortlessly perfect is our tendency to walk or take the stairs where practical.  Just like Mireille Guiliano, I cannot understand the American tendency to drive to the gym and put oneself through endless pain and then eat like a pig, thereby making the time in the gym wasted.

I completely share Mireille's disdain for the American idea of "no pain no gain".  A French woman's aim in life is to have as much pleasure as possible.  A French woman, in her effortless perfection, gains great pleasure from delicious morsels of food, savouring every bite.  Given the famous restaurant scene with Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal in Katz's Delicatessen in Nuu Yawk in "When Harry met Sally", even American women should know very well that it is possible to gain pleasure from food to the extent that one emits strange moans and groans!  I make similar noises when I consume a piece of chocolate that is 85% cocoa or higher!  For this reason, I tend to consume the 85%-plus varieties of chocolate only when I am alone, so as to save attracting attention!

The fundamental rule of losing weight is that the calories that enter our body must be fewer in number than the calories leaving our system.  With this in mind, there are only two ways to achieve this negative balance of calories: - exercise more or eat less.  A Frenchwoman knows that the latter is by far the most effective strategy.

When it comes to exercise, there are two points that a Frenchwoman knows.

Firstly, if one eats like a pig, then it is necessary to do ever more exercise to look like an impossibly perfect Frenchwoman.  A Frenchwoman loves being active, but she knows that she will hate active pursuits if she has to do them just to stay thin.  Therefore, what a Frenchwoman does is eat foods of the highest quality in the daintiest quantities so that exercise she does do tends to be for pleasure only.  As I say, a Frenchwoman goes out of her way to make sure she has as much pleasure as possible.

Secondly, the exception to that rule is passive exercise.  A Frenchwoman will try and fit as much exercise as possible into her normal routine.  When I lived in London when I was building up my career in the fashion magazine industry, I got tired of all the disapproving stares I got from overweight colleagues when I walked distances they would take public transport for or when I took the stairs in situations when they would take the lift!  Stupid people!  If they paid attention to the things a Frenchwoman just instinctively knows, they wouldn't be so fat!  This article concentrates on passive exercise.

When I receive American guests in Marseille who arrive via the train station (train travel is a bit "ye olde worlde" for them until they see how sophisticated we French are in this area), if they don't insist on taking a taxi to the Vieux Port for me to introduce them to the various cafés selling pastis, they will at the very least insist on taking the metro!  As for me personally, I have never used the metro (which has been in operation since 1977) and I don't plan to.  It is not that I dislike trains in any way (though I generally think the idea of a rubber-tyre metro is bonkers), but the distances covered by the metro are a long way within distances I would walk.  Ditto the tram system.  Maybe the metro and tram systems were built just for the tourists?

I also like to introduce people to the Calanques.  I like to walk all the way to the Calanques around les Goudes sometimes, but if someone is staying in Marseille only briefly, the walk there and back can take out a big chunk of the time.  This is where "Le vélo" comes in: - this is Marseille's equivalent of Boris Bikes and its arrival in 2007 pre-dates Boris Bikes by a long time.  There is something very French about riding a bike (and wearing a stripey jumper and a beret and having some onions in a string over one's shoulder, MDR).  Not surprisingly, as although Karl Drais (a German) invented the Laufmaschine (powered by the rider using a walking motion), Pierre Michaux, Pierre Lallement and the Olivier brothers invented what seems to be the first example of what we know of as a bicycle, given that it was pedal-driven, in the 1860s.  Also, the Michaux company was the first to mass-produce what was then known as the velocipede.  Anyway, I digress.  American visitors tend to want to take a taxi to see the Calanques, but I find that rather silly.  One would have to be super-unfit to take a taxi in preference to a bike to get there.

Granted, I tend to take the TGV when I travel to Paris, as the journey is almost 750km, which is a little impractical for walking.  Also, London-Paris is around 450km, but one is not allowed to walk inside the Channel Tunnel, MDR.

I also can't understand why unfit American guests who visit my home insist on taking the "ellllllevadorrrrrrrrrrrr".  They tend to be puffed out after the first floor.  I have sometimes made the mistake of asking American guests to help me carry shopping home on the way back from the station and up to my penthouse flat: - these people are used to doing this by car.  I love to share with people the delights of the pine smell in hot weather on the hill on which Notre Dame de la Garde, but if someone is that unfit, they aren't going to keep up with me and Americans don't know how to appreciate simple pleasures in life anyway.

Americans like to look disapprovingly at me when I say that I refuse to set foot in a gym, but they don't realise how fit French women are on account of exercise built into their routine such as walking and using the stairs.  In their stupidity, they pay huge sums of money to get an effect that we French women get for free.  American and British women should look to our example of seeking maximum pleasure in all we do: - training ourselves to be full on as little food as possible so that we can afford to only set out to do vigorous pursuits when they give us pleasure.

Misperceptions about French women being chainsmokers

One thing that bothers me considerably about the perceptions English and American people have of we French women is that we are only slim because we smoke like chimneys, mentioning that tobacco causes appetite-suppressing effects.  This is nonsense.  There are various reasons why a French woman is able to feel full on very little food.   Firstly, her taste buds are able to discern the finest flavours and, if she follows this up by eating them, she gets her jollies primarily from the taste, rather than her stomach being stretched (as is the case with gluttonous American and British women), causing her to feel full.  Secondly, France contains only the finest ingredients and recipes, combined with innately capable chefs, making this possible.  I must point out that smoking is most unattractive to my way of thinking.

I recall Zoë Williams' article that I discussed in an earlier posting, where she said words to the effect that rather than rant like she was doing, a Frenchwoman would light up another fag and say, "bof".  According to data at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_tobacco_consumption , the smoking rates in the USA are 26.3% and 21.5%, in the UK, they are 36.7% and 34.7% and 36.6% and 26.7% in France for men and women respectively.  Granted, American data seems to be significantly lower, though it appears the smoking rates for British women are higher than for French women.  

However, there is a huge difference in the obesity rate in France, according to the CIA's statistics at https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2228rank.html , which says that the USA's figure is 33%, the UK's figure is 26.9% and France's figure is a paltry 18.2%!  Now, one could argue that there are lies, damned lies and statistics, but the suggestion that French women are only slim because they smoke so much is untrue: - firstly, it is not backed up by data and secondly, it is just an excuse for gluttonous American and British women to gorge themselves on gigantic quantities of food endlessly and avoid taking responsibility for being disgustingly obese.

I have some advice for such people: - slavishly replicate the French way of life so you can be effortlessly perfect like Frenchwomen.  I have often mentioned my English mother.  She openly admits that she was disgustingly overweight in her teenage years because she ate gigantic quantities of low quality food.  She went on family holidays to France, though she didn't lose any weight then because she was still in her substandard English eating habits.  However, she went to France on a week-long exchange visit with her secondary school during Year 10 (the year one attends in Britain when one is 14/15 years old).  Though a week is not long enough to burn off huge quantities of flab, she lost a notable amount of weight in that week alone.  She enjoyed that week so much that she asked if her exchange family would allow her to stay over her school's summer holidays: - her host family was immediately enthusiastic, as it greatly enjoyed her company.  Her parents were initially reluctant, but she pestered them endlessly to agree to this until they caved in.  She then spent her summer holidays in France and when she returned home, her father said, "You look like you're suffering from anorexia or bulimia!"  

Silly Grandad!  He didn't know that my mother's stay in France was the making of her as an effortlessly perfect Frenchwoman.  When my mother was back in England, she was constantly lecturing her family members about how to cook properly and they grew grumpy, because hey, the truth hurts!  Her French teacher was very pleased with her greatly improved performance though and scored the top grade in O-level French, going on to study French as part of her A-levels, again scoring the top grade.  By the time she was halfway through her A-levels, she decided she was fed up of backward British attitudes and the general lack of sophistication, so she applied to French universities.  The day she received her A-level results was the happiest day of her life, as her grades were more than good enough to get into her choice of university (in Marseille) and she was able to kiss goodbye to her unsophisticated homeland.  She occasionally returned for important family events, such as weddings, funerals etc, but after departing for Marseille, she never returned to Britain for any length of time.

In other words, it is quite possible to be impossibly thin and perfect like a Frenchwoman: - my mother is testament to the fact that being impossibly perfect is possible.  As mentioned in an earlier posting, she only eats the daintiest quantities of the highest quality of food and she will not take the lift or escalator unless her destination is at least 10 floors away.  Also, she gains huge pleasure from eating dark chocolate and finds chocolate with less than 60% cocoa repulsive.  She knows French cheeses inside out and can identify pretty much every French wine by its taste alone.  She does everything in Mireille Guiliano's French Women's Manifesto.  And she doesn't smoke.

To all the American and British women reading this posting, stop using the nonsensical idea that French women smoke all the time as an excuse for not accepting responsibility for your weight and be effortlessly perfect like we Frenchwomen!