My vision for our sons

In a recent post, I briefly alluded to how I would like our sons to turn out as adults and thought I would do a full article about it.  It is natural for parents to have views on how their children will turn out, even if plans can very easily be scuppered.  Firstly, any parent who wants the best for their children will want them to grow up in the Lord and become born again.  We will provide our sons with the best theological education we can and pray that he will come to saving repentance, but under the principle of Unconditional Election, God has decided who He will bring to saving repentance and man cannot change His decision, so we can only do our best and pray.

The view of Bilal and myself is that there is no merit in treating boys and girls as if they were the same.  Feminists want to get rid of gender differences, rather than celebrate them, which in my view makes them the misogynists.  A girl such as myself is keen to make the most of her femininity, even if Zoë Williams dislikes the use of the word, though I think it is very good at communicating femininity.  If I have a daughter, I will pass on to her all the beauty secrets that have been passed down through the family and make sure her first phrase is "la moitié, s'il vous plaît" and, although it is good for women to be ready for physical labour, we will still treat her as weaker vessels.  On the other hand, regarding our sons, Bilal plans to trip them up and push them over (on soft, grassy ground, never on concrete), playfully punch them, throw them high in the air (obviously catching them afterwards), play "knuckles", "slapsies" and "mercy", tickle them and other ruff and tumble activities that ensure they accumulate lots of bruises.  His expectation is that if they fall and hurt themselves, they will get up again for more.

I want our sons to be both rugged.  Our sons will not be pampered wimps too accustomed to air-conditioned environments.  In keeping with Touareg custom, they will begin training as a herdsman when he is three years old, as well as being trained at Bilal's farm near Marseille.  Bilal's relatives have already agreed to have them during our spring when the weather is very hot, though Bilal has threatened very serious consequences if they so much as mention Islam to them.  Bilal is also learning mountaineering, so that he can get them used to mountain environments in mid-winter: - Bilal wants to climb Mont Blanc (4808m above sea level) when he is able and take our sons with him.  He also has homies from the Côte d'Ivoire and Congo in La Savine, through whom he is beginning discussions about jungle survival training: - Bilal is not used to jungle environments and wants to learn, so as to teach our sons.  As our sons grow up, they will also ensure he spends plenty of evenings and weekends with his grandparents in La Savine, so as to get him used to gangland environments and toughen them up.  This means operating in them, rather than mimicking their culture, MDR!  Part of this will involve fighting skills and learning to box, which Bilal already knows a lot about.  Ultimately, we want them to be unwilling to shy away from physical hurt in pursuit of noble aims, be this fighting for their country or stepping up to protect a lady falling victim to dangerous drunkards, rather than running away because they are afraid of damaging their nails, MDR.

However, as well as rugged, I want them to be gentlemanly.  I don't like much about Britain, but the traditional British gentleman culture is something I want them to learn.  This will involve learning  how to conduct themselves in different social situations, how to dress neatly, how to be properly groomed and everything else.  People often misunderstand what being gentlemanly means: - some view it as flirting with women one has no intention of pursuing and making them swoon.  We will want our sons to understand that being gentlemanly is the complete opposite: - it means avoiding excessive familiarity with women unless they are seriously pursuing them as a potential wife and not leading them on.  Providence enabled Bilal to find a wife who loves him for who he is and isn't offended in the slightest when he refers to attractive women as "well buff wifeys" or "bufft'ings", but I want our sons to know how to refer to women properly, just in case ladies they desire are sensitive about that sort of thing.

We will make sure they are extremely diligent in their academic studies.  We want them to be brains as well as brawn.  We want them to graduate from university in useful vocational subjects, rather than a Mickey Mouse arts degree.  Maybe they will be enthusiastic enough to do PhDs?  Who knows.  Oxbridge and Ivy League institutions are very prestigious, but Bilal and I would worry about our children being deep in cesspits of liberalism such as these.  They aren't exactly known for their tolerance of different points of view.  Bilal liked the fact that studying engineering at university meant he was relatively free of the social scientists!

We haven't got fixed ideas about what career our sons ought to go into, though we have got some ideas about what careers might use the various skills we intend to teach him.  A commission in the Foreign Legion might be one way.  I would love to see them in blues uniform and the ladies swooning over them!  I also wouldn't mind them becoming rolling stock engineers like their father and grandfather: - the TGV network is one thing that makes France great.

Our son's first visit to Douentza

Bilal and I had unexpectedly busy Christmases with our working lives, meaning our holiday time was limited.  We thought things would be less busy in the new year, but they weren't.  Eventually, we decided we just needed to take a holiday and work things around them.  There is always the temptation to procrastinate with taking holidays, thinking that a less busy time will come.  Apart from anything else, my due date for our second child is not far off.  I have no doubt I will soon have another distraction, as Bilal is looking forward to more children after then.

The fashion industry is composed of some very self-centred people who often don't understand that life is not all about them and their whims, so many people in my industry struggle to understand why I am happy with this and insinuate that I am some oppressed wife and Bilal is a misogynist who just views me as a breeding mare.  Me personally, I like big men like Bilal (he is a very big man, MDR) who are into adult pursuits like raising a family, rather than little boys who eschew responsibility and play computer games.  I view it as very manly for a man to be very attentive to children: - Bilal loves to take our son with him everywhere he goes.  A depot environment is no place for a baby, so he doesn't take him to work (I am sure he would if he could, MDR), but Bilal takes him everywhere else, including the gym (in spite of what anyone thinks of the sight of a very big man pumping iron with a small baby a few metres away).

We decided to visit Douentza, the town in Mali he is most closely associated with, though not exclusively, being born into a nomadic Touareg family: - we tend to travel to rural areas according to where his family's livestock are located.  We are on holiday now, so as to avoid the hottest times of year.

I have my tablet with me and recently bought some equipment for satellite broadband (as well as photovoltaic cells), as we plan to make regular trips to Mali.  Bilal was slightly perplexed by this, as is generally quite happy to avoid contact with the outside world when in Douentza.  Also, he is not particularly communicative with people other than friends and family anyway.  Furthermore, he is very hot on privacy: - he will very rarely agree to photos of him or our son, the conditions being that the photos are only stored on a hard drive in our home not linked to the internet (Bilal is worried about hacking).  As a result, his relatives in Mali have no idea what our son looks like, hence why they are particularly keen to see him.

Douentza is not exactly a place where an it-girl such as myself can live a life of glamour and luxury and the travel arrangements in Mali are a world apart from France's fantastic TGV system, saddened as I am by the lack of political will to build a new Marseille-Nice line, as it would make it easier for many high-society girls such as myself to enjoy the glitz of the Côte d'Azur.  A girl such as myself always loves her manicures and pedicures: - opportunities for this are very limited in Douentza, except when women are being beautified for their wedding (when the whole town stops).  I still love it though.  Given the lack of glamour, the arrival of an it-girl such as myself with her returning-son husband quickly becomes the talk of the town: - Bilal doesn't particularly like this from what I can tell.  Men try and pretend they aren't inclined to look at a super-attractive girl such as myself by observing the custom of turning their back when an unfamiliar woman is present, but Bilal knows better, hence why he comes along with me in public.  You can't blame them for trying to be respectful towards Bilal by not ogling me, lol.

Mali is topographically flat and boring, but the area around Douentza is unusually varied: - it sits in a gap between two mountainous areas.  Bilal enjoyed climbing them as a child and we both want our son to grow up to be rugged, though with more finesse than Bilal (e.g. not referring to women as well buff wifeys, MDR).  I am definitely enjoying being back.  I enjoy climbing up the mountains.  Most people would find this difficult with a baby in tow, but Bilal seems quite happy to carry him and all his paraphernalia.  Anyway, for now, we are enjoying the holiday and anticipating what life will bring with our second baby.  Bilal is looking forward towards the birth and future children: - some people talk about trying for children, but Bilal and I won't need to make any changes, him being the energetic man that he is.