A BBC article criticising the Champs-Élysées

I was recently reading a BBC article criticising the Champs-Élysées.  Regrettably, I have to say that I agree with this.  The Champs-Élysées are not the best place to go to see the real France: - they are a very definite tourist trap.  They are certainly not the place to see and be seen.  The really stylish people go elsewhere and only ignorant tourists seeking clichés go to the Champs-Élysées in search of something French.  Where do the really stylish people go?  As if I would give away our trade secrets!  I'm not going to reveal this here, as I don't want me and my stylish acquaintances (not all of them are friends, some of them I just suck up to for the sake of business expediency) to be bothered by bumpkins.

The over-monied Arabs with the flash cars are something very un-French.  The Arab lifestyle is not something a dainty Frenchwoman aspires to, given the CIA's statistics showing many Arab nations near the top of the obesity rate table .  A Frenchwoman doesn't like driving and much prefers to walk or take the train when walking isn't practical.  Granted, we have brands such as Peugeot, Citroën, Renault etc, but a Frenchwoman tries to avoid travelling by car where possible.

I won't tell people the exact locations of where super-stylish people hang out, but I can give some simple directions for how to find something absolutely divine!  SNCF Transilien's website (http://www.transilien.com) gives journey times for the Paris area.  If one is not an impossibly perfect and dainty Frenchwoman and therefore used to walking everywhere, the website in question can give directions for going between Charles de Gaulle – Étoile Métro and RER station (which serves the Arc de Triomphe) and Paris Gare de Lyon's RER station.  When arriving in Paris Gare de Lyon, take a train to Marseille (from 3h05m upwards).  Simple as.

Ok, I know I said I wouldn't say what the hide-outs of super-stylish people are, but this one is far too famous to be worth bothering to hide.  Monaco's casino is a famous hide-out of James Bond.  Monaco can be reached from Paris by train.  Currently, there are no direct trains, but they exist at other times of year, typically taking 6h03m: -  obviously, one needs a day when one is wanting to sit and unwind, as it won't be for a few years yet that the partially new and upgraded line between Marseille and Nice will be completed.  The details of the project can be found online.  Monaco is a place I have sometimes considered moving to, given the very low taxes, but then its history is nothing compared with that of Marseille.  Nevertheless, I visit Monaco regularly, as it is full of stylish and successful people like myself and I love its ritzy glitzy atmosphere.  I love the way the government there has decided to crowd out bumpkin locals by bringing in stylish expats with low taxes: - members of the global jet-set elite such as myself do not give a monkeys about local people and we would much rather be in the presence of foreign elites.  Monaco's strategy of pricing out lesser people seems to really work wonders.  I was disappointed to see a branch of Carrefour in Monaco recently, as this will give lesser people an incentive to stay, but at least Carrefour is a French brand.  Tee hee!

I wish SNCF would do more mixed TGV services serving Monaco, say starting in Paris, stopping in Marseille-Blancarde along the way (I'd have to check if the platform length is the requisite 200m or so necessary to support TGVs) and then continuing to Monaco along the conventional line.  I love Monaco's glamorous station, with the multicoloured lighting in a corridor leading to the platforms showing how impeccably stylish the country is.

Marseille isn't quite as stylish as Monaco, but it is a place where real French people live, which helps to illustrate the point that even poor people can eat properly (a point which cannot be properly demonstrated in a society where almost everyone is rich).  It does unfortunately have a high proportion of foreigners.  They made up 12.7% of the population in 2008 (2.2% born in Europe, 10.5% outside Europe) and in 1999, 41.8% of people under 18 had at least one foreign parent.  Ok, I can't criticise on this matter, as I was part of that 41.8% and my mother was part of the 12.7%.

However, I get sick of hearing people saying "Wesh-wesh renoi/poto/rebeu/toubab?" on the street.  For those not au fait with French street slang, "wesh-wesh...?" means "How are you?" (a bit like "wagwan...?" or "wassup...?" in English).  "Renoi" is Verlan (Verlan being an inversion of "l'invers", which means "the inverse) for "noire", a black person.  "Poto" is street slang for "friend", roughly equivalent to "fam" or "bruv".  "Rebeu" is a double inversion of "arabe" ("Arab"), the single inversion being "beur".  "Toubab" is an inversion of "babtou", a word for a white person.  Me personally, I am a stylish Frenchwoman and I can't stand the sound of silly street youths murdering our beautiful language.

How is it that I am so familiar with street slang?  Lots of reasons really.  When I walk around Marseille, I hear people using it.  There are lots of Arab-style shops just to the south of La Canebière (the main street leading to the Vieux Port): - one thing that is unusual about Marseille is that the rough immigrant districts tend to be in the city centre.  Also, I get loads of wannabe fashion designers trying in vain to convince me that their hip-hop wares are stylish *cough*: - some of them severely let themselves down with their poor command of the French language.  If one wants to see what I am like as a person, watch Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada".  Also, some of my employees have probably changed their names by deed poll to hide their Arab origins: - I get this impression from the large amount of slang in conversations that take place in my workplace.  I have also interviewed people for journalistic positions and have had to decline them jobs because they used hip-hop slang all the way through the interview: - if anyone reading this wants me to give them a job in a role that involves writing, the first two things you need to do are convince me that you are interested in fashion and that you have a good command of the beautiful French language!  If you come in and say, "Wesh-wesh toubab?" to me, you are unlikely to get the job!

Anyway, though Marseille has its negative sides, it is both home and a very stylish tourist destination to me.  If one wants to see the real France and one is too lazy to walk between Charles de Gaulle – Étoile and Gare de Lyon stations, take an eight-minute RER train between the two stations, hop on a TGV and be in Marseille in 3h05m upwards.