The folly of crash diets

Apologies to all my eager readers who have been eagerly lapping up everything I have written about how to be an impossibly perfect Frenchwoman: - I am aware that I have not written a post for a long time.  As was said in my previous post, Bilal and I are now engaged.  I have been a woman in high demand for a long time, but so far, only Bilal has been able to win my father's approval to court me.  He is a very handsome Touareg man with an extremely muscular physique and lovely curly hair: - the muscular physique is a consequence both of his tough desert upbringing and his desire to continue to work out when his family moved to Marseille.  He speaks hip-hop French, but hey, as was said at the end of "Some like it hot", "Well, nobody's perfect".

I am hoping to work on Bilal's French.  Although it is his native language alongside his local Touareg language, his accent is a mix of Mali and La Savine, with his vocabulary being hip-hop, e.g. saying "tu voit ce que je veux dire?" at the end of sentences, inverting words (verlan) etc.  Although I am somewhat bemused by his use of French, I would much rather have a big, muscular and tough man from the ghetto toughened by living through years and years of gang warfare with real muscles than an upper middle-class man who has lived a cushy lifestyle, doesn't like the great outdoors and whose only way of looking nice is to stay under a gym sunbed and occasionally work out on sweaty gym apparatus (not to a Frenchwoman's liking, as Mireille Guiliano explains).  If one wants to see some of Bilal's acquaintances without actually visiting La Savine, many of them can be seen in 1.D.3's video Marseille Paname: -

Even though Bilal has grown up surrounded by such people, he is actually a very gentle character who has always resisted the pressure to get involved in a life of crime and who has presented an extremely convincing testimony of his new birth in accordance with what the Bible describes as the signs thereof, even if he is not so good at resisting the creeping influence of the language.  Anyway, I digress.  Bilal and I are in the midst of wedding plans.  We are spending ages obsessing about what we will have for each meal.  A croquembouche will unfortunately be out the question unless we can find a gluten-free version.

Bilal would probably just have jollof rice, taguella, goat's meat and Eghajira if I left the whole thing up to him, but since most of those present will be of European origin, we want something much more sophisticated.  With the exception of Bilal, we are planning to serve some extremely dainty portions, so as to show how sophisticated we are: - they will be so dainty that even the daintiest Frenchwoman will feel no need to say, "La moitié, s'il vous plaît".  Some people will be shocked (e.g. my English relatives on my mother's side), but I will respond that they are entirely normal portions for me.

Already, some people are asking me if I am worried about how I will fit into my dress.  I respond by telling them about how I already have an absolutely perfect figure.  I am aware of an unpleasant story about a crash diet called the LighterLife diet: - a British woman followed this diet on account of a desire to look good on her wedding day and died.  I am not inclined to make extremely inappropriate, insensitive and tasteless jokes about the deceased woman, but the article I have linked to really does indicate how French women really do know best when it comes to diets (or the lack thereof).  As Mireille Guiliano explained, French women never diet: - they simply make permanent changes to their lifestyle to shed the weight, whether this means walking further each day, buying a flat further from the ground floor, cutting out sweet foods, saying "la moitié, s'il vous plaît" more often etc.  Granted, Mireille Guiliano does not have any children as far as I know, but Bilal and I want a large family and I hope in creating our large family, I will demonstrate to the world how a Frenchwoman maintains her dainty figure even during and after pregnancy.

Samantha Clowe, the lady who unfortunately lost her life to a crash diet, did not understand the rule of the harvest.  The rule of the harvest says that if you wait till two weeks before the harvest to plant your seeds, spray them with hydroponic solution, cover them with bright lamps etc, you will not reap a harvest.  There are too many people who simply do not understand the value of setting good habits early on so that they can be kept with little effort.  Non-French women think they can buy the skimpiest bridal dress and then do a crash diet to fit inside it.  If such women had read the words of Proverbs 24:27 ("Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house"), they would realise that their order of working was wrong.  Occasionally, some Anglo-Saxon women manage to fit into skimpy wedding dresses (the photo below is of Patricia Nixon-Cox), but this is the exception rather than the norm.

I have no doubt that I will look absolutely divine (in the non-religious sense of the word) in my wedding dress.  Bilal is not exactly a perfect gentleman, as he uses the term "bien faite" to refer to my physical appearance, but I know he means well.  He has done very well to restrain his desires for me all this time.  I have no doubt that he will look similarly ravishing in a morning suit.  He refuses to wear suits at work and insists upon wearing a tagelmust and his colleagues have gotten used to this.  Don't get me wrong, he looks gorgeous in that, even though one cannot see much of his face, but I am hopeful that our wedding will persuade him to wear a suit.  Anyway, back to the subject of the baffling situation of Anglo-Saxon women eating like there is no tomorrow, somehow or other finding a husband-to-be (it's beyond me how) and then crash dieting to fit into their wedding dress.  Why won't they just adopt the la-moitié-s'il-vous-plaît diet that Frnech women use?

As a believing woman, I think unnecessarily long engagements are not a good idea on account of the temptation during the engagement, but maybe some Anglo-Saxon women would do well to spend a few months getting their eating habits sorted out before they try sorting out their wedding dresses.

A BBC attack on French women's effortless perfection

About a week ago, I came across a BBC article expressing disapproval of French women's perfection.  In it, the BBC journalist named Joanna Robertson attacked the supposed tyranny of the French culture pushing women to be thin.  In the article, she proved that she doesn't care much for consistency either.  Towards the beginning of the article, she wrote: -
"Pharmacies are filled with miracle-claiming diet products and women's magazines run endless columns of slimming advice."
Then later on, she wrote something far closer to the truth, which read: -
"There is an idea put about in what the French call the "Anglo-Saxon" press that French women do not grow fat.  
They simply follow a set of mystic rules, handed down from mother to daughter, that govern their personal grooming, comportment and, most of all, their eating habits.  
A sensible, balanced diet. Plenty of fresh produce. Three meals a day. Absolutely no snacking. Regular, reasonable exercise. Nothing to excess."
It is an almost direct contradiction, though I broadly feel unable to disagree with the points raised in the second quotation.  The major point I disagree with is the word "mystic".  There is nothing mysterious about how we are impossibly thin.  It is the fact that we are impossibly perfect.  We have absolutely delicious food that means we feel satisfied by the taste, rather than the feeling of our bellies being stretched (as is the case with unsophisticated Anglo-Saxon women).  Joanna Robertson is entirely right when she says that obesity is frowned upon in France.

I note one point that appeared towards the end, which read: -
""It is an absolute tyranny," says Marjorie, a 49-year-old business executive, herself pencil slim.
"The tyranny of the silhouette, we call it - but it is also a kind of dream because it represents total success.
"It is not like in the UK where TV shows have women of all shapes and sizes doing all kinds of things. I love that - chubby 55-year-olds kissing men full on the mouth. You would never see that here," she adds.
Marjorie works near the Paris suburb of Saint Denis where there is a large immigrant population from the Maghreb.
She is inspired by these women with their full, rounded, curvaceous figures and the way they walk tall.
"They are so much more feminine than our Parisian chic," she says, "but the sad truth is that if they want careers in this society they are going to have to get skinny to get ahead.""
Fat and feminine!  These two terms are almost mutually exclusive.  I view it as severely unfeminine to be fat.  I have seen such scenes on British television with obese 55-year-olds kissing men on the mouth and it made me feel physically sick, but anyway.  In pre-industrialised society, men needed to marry a woman with strong arms, because he knew he would need someone who was capable of doing large amounts of physical work on the farm.  Proverbs 31:17 reads, "She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms."  The English NIV renders this as, "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks."  However, in an industrialised society, there is no longer a need for women to be heavily built.  This does not mean we work any less hard.  Today's women work just as hard, even if the work isn't always physical.  However, as Joanna Robertson seems to be close to admitting, but doesn't want to, thin is beautiful.  This is unfortunately a fact that she correctly indicates has not yet occurred to "Maghreb" women living in France.  Bilal told me that he never liked the sight of women from his culture having "full, rounded, curvaceous figures".  He has told me that he always thought it looked horrible.  Granted, Bilal comes from Mali, which is outside the zone traditionally known as the Maghreb, but that is a minor detail.

Bilal has told me that one of the reasons he enjoyed being able to take the bus and get out of La Savine for a few hours at a time on Saturdays and weekday evenings (of course, on Sundays, his reason was coming to church) was because it was so refreshing to him to see lovely, thin French women, rather than the "full, rounded, curvaceous figures" *cough* of the immigrant women he came across in La Savine.  Granted, this was a minor reason: - a much bigger reason was that he found it hard work steeling himself against all the hip-hop gangland culture he witnessed in La Savine.

This was the main reason, but for him, seeing chic and elegant French women was a bonus for him.  As he has reminded me, such women no longer interest him, as I have agreed to be courted by him.  He has been entranced with my beauty for a long time, hence why he was willing to wait several years to receive my father's approval to court me.  Why wouldn't he be?  I'm the impossibly dainty French woman!  As Joanna Robertson points out, we French (rightly) regard being skinny as a sign of success.  Bilal has rightly recognised that there is more to me than my physical beauty and has correctly said that my physical beauty is only the tip of the iceberg.  However, he says he just finds the sight of fat Arab women using a veil to hide their ""full, rounded, curvaceous figures" disgusting.

Why can't the rest of the world appreciate the beauty that we French women possess with our effortlessly dainty figures?  It is not true to say that we have these because we smoke, because we use magic, because we pop pills or anything like that.  It is ultimately down to the power of a simple, but very powerful phrase: - "La moitié, s'il vous plaît" ("half of that, please").  It means we enjoy the pleasure of good food, but we only eat dainty portions thereof.  We don't have fat diets, we do eat things besides cabbage soup at mealtimes and we don't starve ourselves!  When someone offers us some food, we just say, "La moitié, s'il vous plaît": - if that means we have to only put half as much on our forks to allow us to keep pace with the other participants at the meal, then that is exactly what we do.  We cut the food into dainty pieces, put these dainty pieces into our mouths and savour the immense pleasure of eat bite, so that we don't need to consume huge quantities to feel full.

So there you have it.  The secret of my success.  Women around the world should say at least a hundred times a day the phrase behind my success: - "La moitié, s'il vous plaît".